"How do we forgive ourselves for all the things we did not become" - Doc Luben

The guilt pushes into the pit of me, like a magnet
pulling my belly button straight through to my spine.
I carry it low. 

It is an aching want that covers every inch of my skin
like I'm waiting on something that will never show
and so can't be named. 

I have forgiven myself for not becoming a mother.
What I can't seem to forgive is that part of me
that still thinks the universe will deliver.